I Can't Believe It

When I finished my last paper on Friday night after work, something I should have realized but that shouldn't have surprised me so much hit me: I only have three semesters left at ASU before I graduate. It's completely nuts; I still feel like I just started my freshman year. Thinking back on the last couple years, I can't believe how much my life has changed. For a time, I quit working out and gained a lot of weight. Recently, I changed this and through dieting and exercise lost 30 pounds in four weeks. I used to hang out with all my old high school friends: Aubs, Amy, Austin, Ryan, Maya, Nicole, Londynn, Boaty, Anissa, Daniel, Jordan, and too many other great people to mention. Now, I only see a few of my close friends; I am truly thankful to have kept in contact with them, but I miss seeing everybody else and the adventures we had. I was a barely 18 year old kid, just starting out in the world with no clear-cut plan, hoping to just luck out through life by either finding a diamond mine or discovering the largest oil line ever in North America (neither has happened, unfortunately). Now, I'm talking to people about my plans for two years, five years, ten years from now... it's crazy!

Don't let this post confuse you. For the first time in a very long time, I'm truly happy and, incredibly, somewhat content with how I'm living my life and where it's going. I have amazing friends that I've known forever, and recently have been talking to friends I've made in the last few years but lost contact with. Things honestly couldn't be better for me, and I'm so incredibly thankful for it. As I sit here writing this, the only thing I could think about is a song that Keith Urban sings... "Who Wouldn't Wanna Be Me?"

It Never Ceases to Amaze Me

The heart: I've dealt with it often in my life. I've studied it, taken many apart in anatomy classes, memorized every facet of it. That being said, I don't understand how even now, with all of the relationship experiences I've had, how mine can still take me by surprise. With everything that happened tonight, all I want is to be her guy and make her happy more than anything. God, how I miss the days when girls had cooties and catching them was my biggest worry. I hope I didn't screw things up, but with my luck, I just blew my one shot. Wish me luck...

It's Been Almost a Month

Wow, I can't believe it's almost been a month since I wrote on this. A lot has happened. School is winding down, I have this whole next week off work, and I've never felt better about where my life is going. Started a diet about a little over a week ago and have already lost 12 pounds. I'm heading to the gym tomorrow and, for the first time in a long while, I'm actually excited. My brother JR is coming home for Thanksgiving and I can't wait to see that SOB it's been forever. Had a fantastic weekend partying with some old friends. This could be the best I've felt since I left high school. Life couldn't be sweeter. These last few months have taught me one thing: keep the faith. Life hadn't exactly been enjoyable, but now things couldn't be better. I got my life back on track and feel great where with its going. Oh, and next week, I'm heading back to church again, too. Can't wait for that. Oh, well, it's getting late, so I'm heading to the living room to relax and probably fall asleep on the couch.

Thanks for reading, and remember, rainy days make you appreciate sunny days that much more.

This Should Really Help

Dang, I've been feeling really bottled up lately, so I thought I'd finally write in this thing again. Lately, I've just been feeling so lost in life. School is pointless, I feel like I'm spinning my wheels, and I don't think I'm anywhere near the person I need or want to be. I feel more like a kid than ever before, yet I'm definitely not getting any younger. I need to figure out what I want to do, and soon. I don't want to waste any more time than I already have. So, here are a list of things for me to do this week:

1. Devise my new exercise program and actually STICK to it.

2. Get my homework done so I can quit worrying about it.

3. Put my priorities in order.

4. Start budgeting my money and actually save something.

5. Quit putting off adulthood.

Hopefully, this plan will get me back on track.

The Art of Procrastination

This is an art that I have mastered. Unfortunately, it's caused me nothing but trouble. My semester is officially over, and with this blog as my witness, I will not procrastinate any of my assignments anymore!

Spinning My Wheels

It never ceases to amaze me how complex the human mind, or at least mine (permitting a bit of egotism here) is and how small things stir amazing thoughts. Over the last weekend I saw an old friend of mine who is currently enlisted in the Marine Corps. It was great to see him again and talk about everything that's been happening in our lives respectively. He's out there, living his life by no one's rules but his own, doing exactly what he wants with his life. I talked to another old friend earlier last week who is living her dream and going out on a mission her church. I know how much this means to her, and I couldn't be more excited for her. As I talked to both of them, I couldn't help but think about everything that has changed in their lives and everything that hasn't changed in mine. I still live at home, am still in school and nowhere near starting the career I want, am at a job I can't stand half the time, and am a slave to the Almighty Dollar and my parents' whim. I am almost 100% positive that neither of them will read this, but they have no idea how jealous of them I am. I remember a time back before I graduated high school, and how sure of myself I was. I knew what I wanted, what I was going to do, and how I was going to get there. What happened to all of those plans? I sit here typing this and can't remember when or where I lost sight of them. I've never been more confused or lost... I just pray that God sends someone or something into my life to get me where He wants me to be and where I want to be.

Good night, Reader, and remember to make your life yours and nobody elses.

The Teachings of Dean Winchester, Pt. 1

For those of you that do not know, Supernatural is one of my favorite shows on TV right now. I never miss an episode, and I have seen every episode since the show came on the air. For some reason, the last line of tonight's episode, "The End," struck a chord in me: "I guess we'll have to make our own future." I do not know why, but for some reason I have always been content to coast through life using minimum effort and somehow still achieving success. This WILL not continue; from now on, I'm going all-out, balls to the wall, and I will NEVER give up. Dang, it's amazing what makes a person think, isn't it?

Good night, Reader, and remember that you are the only person with the power to change your future, and it's a power that nobody can take away from you but you.

First Entry on the First Day of October 2009

It's the first day of October, and I was cleaning out my room earlier tonight and I found a journal I had kept when I was still in junior high. As I read through it, I saw that as I progressed from 7th to 8th to 9th grade I wrote less and less about substansive things and more about things I wanted to get for my birthday or the girl I was crushing on at the time. I used to write five things I was thankful for, five things I wanted to work on, a weekly quote from the Bible, and one thing I wish I could tell someone but never have. So, in the spirit of change, I thought I'd start a blog. If you've chosen to read it, I hope it entertains you in some way, and if you happen to get something out of it, then fantastic. So, here is my first post... enjoy!

5 THINGS I'M THANKFUL FOR:

1. My mutts Bella and Bridget... they are the only two in this world that are always happy to see me and for that I am thankful

2. My truck... I had to buy a new battery for it today but things could have been so much worse and for that I am thankful

3. My family... my parents and even my pain the butt sister don't love me for who I am; they love me in spite of who I am and who I could be and for that I am thankful

4. Corey from Mesa Fire Station 12... he came to my office today to jump my truck for no other reason than a fellow firefighter's son needed help and for that I am thankful

5. My job... it is definitely a love/hate relationship with that job and some of the people I work with but at the same time the unemployment rate in the USA for August 2009 is 9.7%; I have job security and steady income and for that I am thankful

5 THINGS I WANT TO WORK ON:

1. My bluntness... I have a bad habit of not thinking before I speak and it has cost me more than I care to remember in the past and because of this I am going to try to change this

2. Working out... for too long I have told myself that I will start going to the gym like I did in the old days "next week" but no more; I will change my eating/working out habits and get back to where I want to be physically and it is because of this desire that I am going to try to change this

3. My dedication... when I was a senior in high school I thought I learned the cruel lesson that hard work and preparation don't guarantee that you get what you want just because a teammate's careless actions cost me my senior season; for too long I've let this attitude affect my life and because of that I am going to try to change this

4. My cynicism... I am way too young to have no faith in people and humanity in general; I need to remember that there is still good out there in the world and that I need to find it in everything I do in my life and it is because of this desire tht I am going to try to change this

5. My method of self-expression... once I let someone in and all that happened afterward was heartache; I thought the lesson to be learned from this was the easiest way to not feel bad was to deny any feeling at all and keep everything locked inside but I know better now and it is because of my desire to let someone in and be able to trust them that I am going to try to change this

WEEKLY BIBLE QUOTE:

Psalm 82:3-4

"Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed. Rescue the weak and needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked." No wonder they call it the Good Book... it's good advice ;-)

INNER SECRET OF THE WEEK:

To Sarah Ghan--

Our history is well-known, and we've both admitted to being complete assholes to each other for no reason at all. Despite this, we recently began talking again and last night you said something that really made me feel good and made me realize how thankful I am to have a friend like you. So here's what I've always wanted to say to you but somehow have never been able to: I'm sorry I was such a jerk for no reason at all in the past; I have no excuse. I'm sorry that it took you leaving the company and moving back to your hometown to realize what a great friend and person you are, but I am really glad we are talking again. I care about you, and I'm here for you. Next time you're in Mesa, hit me up and we'll catch up (but probably not over coffee since I can't stand the stuff and you now work for Starbucks haha).

Good night, Reader, and remember that every day is potentially your last day... treat it like the miracle it is